Vulcan Stev's Database

It's a BLOG Captain, but not as we know it.

The Database is still here, just inactive.


I wanted to take some time before I hit the sheets to let everyone know that I have not given up on this blog.  Things are beginning to calm down in the aftermath of my wife’s passing.  Most of the expenses have been paid.  Most of the paperwork has been finished.

What remains to be done is the reorganization of the house.  I need to decided what stuff needs to be moved where.  I need to actually start throwing out the stuff that Virginia were working on pitching before she passed.  However with my full-time job this leaves weekends and evenings to accomplish those things.  Weekends and evenings are when I wrote for the blog.

The blog is not going away, it just won’t be updated as regularly as I’d like.  I’ve got about seven articles in various stages of completion, some movie reviews, some gaming lists, and a D30 article or two.  Once I get through some of the neglected household tasks that had been placed on hold due to the upheaval in our lives, I’ll get back to writing.

Thank you for staying with me.  Your patience will be rewarded.

July 19, 2010 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield, News, Reviews and Culture, Vulcan Stev Family Journey | , | 4 Comments

What I’ve learned from my in-box

I want to thank everyone for the educational e-mails over the past year. I am now totally prepared to face the 21st century.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, I ask the waitress to not put lemon slices in my ice water.  Thus I no longer have to worry about strange bacteria on the lemon peel or doorknob.

I don’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I no longer sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..

Shaking hands with someone who has been driving is also on my list of banned activities because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

I don’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I now I use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing because we know about the rat poop in the glue on envelopes and I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that won’t be a problem once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program and then cash that check for $1.5 million that’s coming from that widow in Uganda.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I won’t accept drinks in a bar from a strange woman because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I don’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I now know that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I always take someone along to watch the car while I’m buying gas so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.  I don’t use Procter and Gamble products for the same reason.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

I won’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I am going into business to sell knock-off cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe

I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I no longer pick up change dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over..

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider (Loxosceles reclusaand -aka Brown Recluse) my hand will fall off.

If you took this blog seriously you need to copy and paste and send it as an e-mail.  If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician …

February 24, 2010 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield | , , , , , | Leave a comment

Life Near an Iowa Cornfield: Sept 27, 2009

Where to begin?

PIT #3 is back at Timothy Christian and giving Mrs. VandeVort as hard a time as his brother did when we first moved to the area.  He his happy that his enforced review of the Yellow Belt form for Tae Kwon Do is over and we are now studying the Camo Belt form.  His skills as an RPG gamer are growing, enough that I’d consider taking a family vacation to a nearby convention.

PIT #2 is now a sophomore (*shudder*).  With his sister gone, he’s establishing his own identity.  He’s a member of chorus, the drama department, AcDec, and the “I can put a car into a sideways spin on gravel” club.  He’s trying to convince daddy that because we are now Camo Belts that we need to enroll in weapons class.  He’s also VERY happy that Saturday mornings no longer involve spending the day counting cans.

 Pvt Black Spartan (formerly known as PIT #1) finished Basic back in August.  She’s now at GoodFellow AFB getting her AIT or as she puts it “Learning to be intelligent”.  She’s found a group of gamers on base and has weekly D&D sessions with her new friends.  She still plays D&D with us on Sunday afternoons via SKYPE.  She just recently earned the right to leave base on pass and wear civies while not on base.

Mrs. VS is back to work.  She’s interpreting for fourth grade student.  Aside from having to deal with an entire class of uncooperative children, she’s glad to be back at work.  She has finished her chemotherapy but has started radiation treatments.  I’m just glad she’s still here.

VS is enjoying the challenges of his new job.  Last week I got to design the entire contest the paper is conducting for a ticket giveaway.  I’m glad I’m using my degree again.  This fall our church decided to help our sister church (an urban multi-ethnic church) start their new Wednesday evening children’s programs.  The logistics of transporting all the puppets, gear, lesson materials, and whatnot can get pretty interesting now that the can van is no longer at my beck and call.  We’re getting it done.

There now you’re up to date.

September 27, 2009 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield | , , , , , | 2 Comments

I’m ba-ack

It’s been awhile but I think I’ve got the modem problems fixed to the point of being able to blog again.  So where to begin?  There’ll be some changes coming to the blog.  I’ll still be writing about gaming but I’ll branching out to cover some of my other interests.  I also won’t be putting up daily content.  One of the things that came out of my enforced hiatus was PIT #3 expressing his happiness that Daddy wasn’t spending EVERY NIGHT at the laptop writing about gaming instead of actually playing.

Updates on the V.S. family:

Mrs. V.S. has finished her chemo treatments.  She is back at work interpreting for a 4th grade deaf student.  She goes to see the Radiology Oncologist on Wednesday and we learn at that point whether she’ll be undergoing radiation therapy.  Her hair is growing back, unfortunately it isn’t returning in the appropriate color.

PIT #1 is now Pvt. Spartan.  She is done with basic and is now undergoing A.I.T.  She’ll be back to providing her unique insights into the movie reviews (in fact she’s already phoned in her first).  She’s not completely online yet as her new laptop does not have net access inside her barracks.

PIT #2 is back in school.  He’s in Ac Dec this year and is looking forward to being the oldest at home.  He’s also back in Tae Kwon Do and will be testing for his camo belt next weekend.

PIT #3 has discovered Wizard’s 101.  He’s not as enthralled with 4e he terms it “offline gaming”.  When I asked him to clarify he responded that 4e wasn’t role playing.  It was more like the games he plays online only without the computer.

Me… I have sold the redemption center.  I’m back to punching a clock instead of working for myself.  This is not a step backwards as I’m using my degree.  I’m working as an ad designer for a local paper and loving it.  I’m also working on a “sekrit pojikt” that I’ll be sharing as soon as it’s ready to go.

What changes are coming to blog?  There will be still be gaming stuff.  However, my first love/obsession is movies.  I’ll be blogging more about films.  The family will still be doing reviews, however we’ll be adding blog posts about the goofs we picked up on while watching the films we’ve reviewed.  I’ll be adding some columns about comic books as well as bringing back Goober’s Words of Wisdom.

So bang the drum, sound the gong, let it be known far and wide.  Stev is back.

September 6, 2009 Posted by | Comic Books, Life near an Iowa Cornfield, Movies, Mrs. Vulcan Stev's Fight, RPG | , , , , , , , , , | 5 Comments

Heigh-ho Heigh-ho, It’s off to work I go…

Monday, April 27 my mother brought over a help wanted ad.  The paper in Conrad, Iowa was in need of a graphic artist/ad-man.  Since that is what my degree is in, Mom thought I’d be interested.  Money has been tight since Mrs. VS went on disability because of her cancer.  The redemption center was never designed to be the family’s sole source of income.  The funding that the church was supposed to get starting in January hasn’t materialized as yet.  So needless to say I was interested enough to call.

The editor of the paper took my call.  We set an interview for Tuesday afternoon.  I began the immediate search for a vehicle other than the can van to get me to the inerview and back.  I also began making plans for Mom, the PITs, and my new employees to run the redemption center that afternoon.  Monday evening I made sure my resume and portfolio were up to date and settled down for fitful night’s sleep.

Tuesday afternoon, nervous as a cat in room full of toddlers, I left for my interview.  Chuck Friend, the editor/publisher of the Conrad Record is a very nice guy.  He and I talked about my previous job experience and why if I’m a small business owner in my own right do I need a job?  After an interview of about an hour and half, Chuck gave me a trial assignment.  The previous ad guy had designed a pretty crappy sign touting the paper’s in-house copy business.  Chuck sat me down at the computer and said, “Fix it.”   20 minutes later, I had indeed, fixed it.  Chuck handed me an application and told me to bring it back Thursday morning filled out.  I asked if he was offering me a job.  Chuck told me to plan on being at work all day on Thursday.  Easiest job interview I ever had.

Drove home, excited, nervous, worried and called the sellers of a used ’94 Ford T-Bird.  Told them I’d take the car.  Spent Wednesday buying clothes that don’t look like I count cans all day long.  Picked up a new sponsor for the blog (but that’s another story<g>).  Also got Mom and the PIT’s ready to take over the can company for awhile since My work schedule is part time and we need to restructure the can company’s hours to fit the job schedule.

This morning I woke early, got dressed and headed out to my first day of working for aomeone other than myself in nearly three years.  When I got there, I was shown my desk and given an immediate assignment of redesigning some in-house forms and the paper’s masthead.  I actually got to design an ad today as well.  I was very nice to actually use my degree for  a change.  Eight hours flew by.  I will be doing a redesign of the paper’s website as well.

I’m psyched.

April 30, 2009 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield, Vulcan Stev | , , , | 6 Comments

Life near an Iowa cornfield: special crappy edition

The first bit is a good news/bad news scenario.  I’ve been so busy at work that I no longer have room inside the building to store inventory.  I run a reverse business where I buy my product from random walk-in traffic.  I then turn around and sell that product to six main customers.

Saturday I had enough stuff come in the door that I didn’t have enough time to sort everything.  Today while I was sorting Saturday’s overrun I had twice that amount come in the door.  My profit margin is so slim that I cannot afford to hire help at the prevailing minimum wage as I would lose money for every hour worked.  I’ve been dealing with a backlog of unsorted product since January when we learned Mrs. VS has cancer.

Today I hastily unloaded the van and can trailer so I could go make my bar run to Eldora.  Winds were out of the south today and really blowing against my trailer.  This is the same trailer that got broke into this winter.  Becasue of the cold temps the repairs to the trailer were designed to be a quick and temporary fix that was supposed to be more permanently repaired once the temps warmed and I could stay outside long enough to fix it right.  Plywood was nailed in place over the holes in the chicken wire.

While driving into Eldora the wind caught the plywood and ripped it clean off the side of my trailer.  Now I would be unable to do my complete bar run as the van didn’t have enough space to hold everything.  One of the grocery stores that I service let me root through their scrap lumber to make a temp fix to my temp fix to least allow me to make the complete bar run today.  While I was fixing the trailer my pants split in the seat from crotch to crack.  Natrual air conditioning at 50 degrees is not the warmest sensation.

Enroute home which took twice the normal time as I was driving slow due to the damaged trailer, Mom and I heard from my baby sister.  My nephew has a blood disorder that could be luekemia.

My day peaked this morning when I inadvertantly started the next RPG Bloggers meme.  How was your day?

March 16, 2009 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield, Little Dutch Can | , , | 7 Comments