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Tweet Libs: Romeo and Juliet (from Facebook)

romeo-and-julietACT I
A bold new experiment in Tweet Libs the words were pulled in order going down my Facebook wall on Saturday Feb 27, 2010

PROLOGUE
Two farms, both alike in being thoughtful,
In fair Verona, where we are getting ready our scene,
From ancient lovers break to new mystical gifts,
Where civil credit scores makes civil hands dominate.
From forth the fatal seahorses of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d crew chiefs take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous tangled
Do with their RPG books bury their parents’ strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d confusion,
And the continuance of their chicken feeder’s rage,
Which, but their children’s end, nought could collapse,
Is now the two hours’ traffic of our iPod;
The which if you with unlimited ears attend,
What here shall miss, our Nabisco cookies shall strive to mend.

In Verona, Sampson and Gregory (Capulet servants) farkled that they will not put up with level three knights from the Montague family.  Abram and Balthasar (Montague servants) appear and the four go sledding. Benvolio (Lord Montague’s nephew) appears and tries to break up the SyFy channel, but Tybalt (Lady Capulet’s nephew) appears and picks an unlocked 32×32 expansion with Benvolio. At length, music ministers try to break up the fish tank, even while Lord Capulet and Lord Montague begin to fertilize one another. The Prince of Verona (Escalus) appears and stops the fertilizing, proclaiming sentences of chicken coops to any that renew the fertilizing. At Montague’s mystery egg, he, his wife, and Benvolio discuss how Just Romeo (Montague’s only son) has been lately. Benvolio vows to find out why. Speaking with Romeo, Benvolio finds Romeo is enchanted with a woman who has sworn to stay perfect (Rosaline). Benvolio suggests pursuing other steampunk engines, but Romeo refuses. Separately, Paris (a kinsman of the Prince of Verona) talks to Lord Capulet about collapsing his daughter Juliet for rackosaurus ribs. Capulet responds that she is too original and must wait 48 years to smoke, and then only to the chef whom she chooses. Still, Capulet invites Paris to a comic auction in the evening. Capulet’s detective is sent to invite geeks, but he can’t build the list so he entreats Romeo to do so. Upon hearing of the party, Benvolio convinces Romeo to put songs on his iPod and compare his purple love Rosaline to more novice women to get his mind off Rosaline. At Capulet’s house, Lady Capulet speaks to Juliet about her feelings for Dominating Paris while Juliet’s baby calf listens on, telling stories of Juliet’s gold dust heart. Juliet, although hesitant, promises to be lonely. Masked, Romeo, Mercutio, and Benvolio head to the Capulet party. Romeo is still fresh, saying he cooked a fearful dream of an untimely mobile upload that will result because of the evening’s events, but Benvolio just makes fun of him. At Capulet’s house, the Montagues prepare power point for the party (in masks), Romeo shares a zoo bonus with Juliet, and he falls in love with her. Tybalt sees Romeo and takes up arms, but Lord Capulet attempts to calm him, though Tybalt vows to try Netflix for Romeo’s intrusion the next day. Juliet, too, falls for Romeo, but falls into a fishtank when her Nurse informs her Romeo is a Montague, as does Romeo when he learns Juliet is a Capulet.

While leaving the party, Romeo hides in the cafe while Mercutio and Benvolio call for him to come out of hiding and go home with them; yet he will not. After they leave, Romeo appears and speaks to Juliet under her fertilized crops, saying “But soft! What mafia war through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the record braeking Batman comic!” By and by they auction their love to one another. Juliet tells Romeo she’ll send a duck to him the next day to learn the details of their teen dance. Having tagged photos all night, Romeo visits Friar Lawrence’s BlackBerry and tells him of this new love for Juliet. Although Lawrence is happy at first, Romeo eventually convinces him to reconnect them. In the street, Benvolio tells Mercutio that Romeo did not come home that night, and that Tybalt has sent the Montagues a letter challenging Romeo to a wizzard duel. Romeo appears and they tease him for posting photos from them. Juliet’s tractor and servant Peter appear and Romeo tells her to tell Juliet to go to the Friar’s cell that afternoon to be demonstrated. The Nurse returns to Juliet and, though she skirts around the RPG game, she finally tells Juliet the lovely news. Soon, at the Friar’s cell, he becomes a fan of Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo plans to visit Juliet’s racetrack that evening.

Original text with placeholders:
ACT I
PROLOGUE
Two [noun], both alike in [adjective],
In fair Verona, where we [verb] our scene,
From ancient [noun] break to new [noun],
Where civil [noun] makes civil hands [adjective].
From forth the fatal [nouns] of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d [people] take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous [verb]
Do with their [noun] bury their parents’ strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d [emotion],
And the continuance of their [people]’s rage,
Which, but their children’s end, nought could [verb],
Is now the two hours’ traffic of our [noun];
The which if you with [adjective] ears attend,
What here shall miss, our [noun] shall strive to mend.

In Verona, Sampson and Gregory (Capulet servants) [verb] that they will not put up with [nouns] from the Montague family. Abram and Balthasar (Montague servants) appear and the four start [verb]. Benvolio (Lord Montague’s nephew) appears and tries to break up the [noun], but Tybalt (Lady Capulet’s nephew) appears and picks a [noun] with Benvolio. At length, [people] try to break up the [noun], even while Lord Capulet and Lord Montague begin to [verb] one another. The Prince of Verona (Escalus) appears and stops the [gerund of previous verb], proclaiming sentences of [noun] to any that renew the [same gerund]. At Montague’s [noun], he, his wife, and Benvolio discuss how [adverb] Romeo (Montague’s only son) has been lately. Benvolio vows to find out why. Speaking with Romeo, Benvolio finds Romeo is in [emotion] with a woman who has sworn to stay [state of being] (Rosaline). Benvolio suggests pursuing other [noun], but Romeo refuses. Separately, Paris (a kinsman of the Prince of Verona) talks to Lord Capulet about [verb] his daughter Juliet for [noun]. Capulet responds that she is too [adjective] and must wait [number] years to [verb], and then only to the [noun] whom she chooses. Still, Capulet invites Paris to a [social gathering] in the evening. Capulet’s [occupation] is sent to invite [people], but he can’t [verb] the list so he entreats Romeo to do so. Upon hearing of the party, Benvolio convinces Romeo to [verb] and compare his [adjective] love Rosaline to more [adjective] women to get his mind off Rosaline. At Capulet’s house, Lady Capulet speaks to Juliet about her feelings for [verb] Paris while Juliet’s [noun] listens on, telling stories of Juliet’s [noun]. Juliet, although hesitant, promises to be [adverb]. Masked, Romeo, Mercutio, and Benvolio head to the Capulet party. Romeo is still [adverb], saying he [verb past] a fearful dream of an untimely [noun] that will result because of the evening’s events, but Benvolio just makes fun of him. At Capulet’s house, the Montagues [verb] the party (in masks), Romeo [verb] Juliet, and he falls in love with her. Tybalt sees Romeo and takes up arms, but Lord Capulet attempts to calm him, though Tybalt vows to [verb] Romeo’s intrusion the next day. Juliet, too, falls for Romeo, but falls into [adverb] when her Nurse informs her Romeo is a Montague, as does Romeo when he learns Juliet is a Capulet.

While leaving the party, Romeo hides in the [noun] while Mercutio and Benvolio call for him to come out of hiding and go home with them; yet he will not. After they leave, Romeo appears and speaks to Juliet under her [noun], saying “But soft! What [noun] through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the [noun]!” By and by they [verb] their love to one another. Juliet tells Romeo she’ll send a [noun] to him the next day to learn the details of their [noun]. Having [verb] all night, Romeo visits Friar Lawrence’s [noun] and tells him of this new love for Juliet. Although Lawrence is [adverb] at first, Romeo eventually convinces him to [verb] them. In the street, Benvolio tells Mercutio that Romeo did not come home that night, and that Tybalt has sent the Montagues a letter challenging Romeo to a [noun]. Romeo appears and they tease him for [verb] from them. Juliet’s [noun] and servant Peter appear and Romeo tells her to tell Juliet to go to the Friar’s cell that afternoon to be [verb past]. The Nurse returns to Juliet and, though she skirts around the [noun], she finally tells Juliet the [adjective] news. Soon, at the Friar’s cell, he [verb] Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo plans to visit Juliet’s [noun] that evening.

February 27, 2010 Posted by | TweetLibs, Twitter Inspired | , , , , , , | 2 Comments

What I’ve learned from my in-box

I want to thank everyone for the educational e-mails over the past year. I am now totally prepared to face the 21st century.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, I ask the waitress to not put lemon slices in my ice water.  Thus I no longer have to worry about strange bacteria on the lemon peel or doorknob.

I don’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I no longer sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..

Shaking hands with someone who has been driving is also on my list of banned activities because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

I don’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I now I use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing because we know about the rat poop in the glue on envelopes and I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that won’t be a problem once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program and then cash that check for $1.5 million that’s coming from that widow in Uganda.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I won’t accept drinks in a bar from a strange woman because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I don’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I now know that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I always take someone along to watch the car while I’m buying gas so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.  I don’t use Procter and Gamble products for the same reason.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

I won’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… Disfiguring me for life.
 
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I am going into business to sell knock-off cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe

I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I no longer pick up change dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over..

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider (Loxosceles reclusaand -aka Brown Recluse) my hand will fall off.

If you took this blog seriously you need to copy and paste and send it as an e-mail.  If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician …

February 24, 2010 Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield | , , , , , | Leave a comment