30 D30 30 Charts & Tables that make the most of your biggest Die

Yes I’ve been away from this blog for a while. I do plan on making a return. But I’ve been busy with my home-based business, Alien Graphics.

I’ve also been writing. My new book is available from RPGNow.com 30 D30: 30 Charts & Tables that make the most of your biggest Die http://www.rpgnow.com/product/102089.  It’s only $5.

Inside you’ll find every D30 chart ever published on this blog as well as several new ones.

Such as:

30 Dreams & Nightmares

1. You are trapped in a maze of cardboard boxes that you cannot escape from (This actually happened to a PC in the Quest for the Staff of Genesis) Gerrit Nibbelink reminded me.
2. You are fighting a dragon in your underwear
3. Your mother-in-law has joined the party
4. There’s no more beer
5. You found the treasure trove but cannot get inside
6. Your armor vanishes in the midst of battle
7. There is a cat on you at all times and is constantly wanting your attention
8. Seven beauties of the opposite gender have been bathing you
9. You cannot get out of the tavern
10. Your sword begins to sing in battle
11. Lemmings have decided to follow you everywhere
12. Knights with outrageous French accents taunt you at every turn
13. Your mounts have been replaced by coconuts
14. Your quest is to find a shrubbery
15. The party has been hired to protect Princess Lowhan
16. Bowser has decided to become your friend
17. You are now required to say “It’s Morphin’ Time” to get your weapons to work
18. Your dreams are so life-like that you cannot tell the difference between wake and sleep
19. Jabba has put a bounty on you
20. The knight in black armor with asthma claims to be your father
21. The princess you just kissed is really your sister
22. Cats think you are a scratching post
23. Your aftershave is really a dragon aphrodisiac
24. You are on planet full of talking apes
25. One of your followers gets lost and turns into an evil version of themselves (Jolly Blackburn)
26. The tavern runs out of ale
27. The party is forced to live in a yellow submersible
28. In the light of a full moon you turn skeletal
29. You’ve defeated the dragon only to discover his treasure had been repossessed
30. The Learning Channel has decided to follow your party for a documentary.

Here’s the Complete table of contents:

Saints for Your Cleric to Invoke.
30 Clichés Turned Into Magical Items.
Curses to Place on Your Magical Items.
The Infinity Rings.
Reasons for the Party to Actually Enter the Dungeon.
Random Treasure?
Random Monster Encounter.
You Found What at the Side of the Road?
Weather Generator.
Musical Acts in the Tavern.
Reasons Why Your Technology Failed.
Random City Encounters.
Names of Ships.
Single Use Items for a Magic User.
Where Have You Been?
Fear Toxins Sprayed on the PC by a Vengeful Wizard.
Drinks Being Served at the Bar.
Entrée’s Being Served at the Cantina/Restaurant.
Side Effects of Failed Spells from the Nearby School of Magic.
Random Things for the NPC to Say, When the PC Continues Questioning Beyond Your Notes.
Evocative Smells.
Scholarships/Schools of Training at the Local University.
What Manner of Roadkill is That?
Dreams and Nightmares.
Insults Hurled at the PCs by NPCs.
Famous Artisans and the Most Famous of Their Works.
Epic Bardic Poems.
Famous Weaponsmiths/Armorers and the Weapon/Armor That Made Them Famous.
Random Pies Cooling at a Campsite/Window.
Notices Hung at the Village Gathering Spot.
Goblin Phonetics.

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Demotivational Poster: Rules

I’ve got a gun and a badge. My lights are on and my siren’s a blarin’. Nobody’s gonna tell me what to do.

Demotivational Poster: Riding Mower

…and we wonder why our children don’t seem to get any exercise.

Demotivational Poster: American Fast Food

“American Fast Food” by Randy Stonehill (c)1983

American fast food, what a stupid way to die
American fast food, order me the jumbo fries
Oh, oh, it’s easy
It’s so easy and it’s trouble free
It’s quick and disposable, just like me
If I don’t stop eating this greasy American fast food

Well, we’re undernourished, but we’re overfed
And we’re munching on the burger with the white bread
And we’re sucking up the sugar in a milkshake
Till we slip into depression with a big headache
And our arteries are crying out, “give us a break”

American fast food, what a stupid way to die
American fast food, you kiss your old age goodbye
Oh, oh, it’s easy
It’s so easy and it’s trouble free
It’s quick and disposable, just like me
If I don’t stop eating this greasy American fast food

You won’t have to embalm me when my life is through
There are so many preservatives in what I eat
The job’s being done right now for you

“Can I take you order, please?”
“A cheeseburger, fries, and a big chocolate malted”

It’s prefab junk at an exorbitant price
And it’s bound to make you nauseous if you look at it twice
But they’re selling you by telling you it’s food that’s fun
When it tastes like cardboard It chews like sponge
’cause it’s really only garbage on a sesame bun

American fast food, what a stupid way to die
American fast food, order me the chili-size
Oh, oh, it’s easy
It’s so easy and it’s trouble free
It’s quick and disposable, just like me
If I don’t stop eating this greasy American
I don’t stop eating this greasy American fast food

Demotivational Poster: 42 (The Meaning of Life)

…and I’m a hoopy frood who knows where his towel is located.

Demotivational Poster: American Retailers

The economy is REALLY bad, we must keep him in here until we have emptied his wallet.

Demotivational Poster: Where’s Wall-E

How big a geek does it make me that I’ve identified at least 75% of the robots in this picture?

Demotivational Poster: Superhero

I’m not having an identity crisis. Why do you ask?

Demotivational Poster: Smartphones

Though it does become self-aware.

Demotivational Poster: Principles

The question is how many of us actually do stand for our principles and how many of us only say that we do?