Vulcan Stev's Database

It's a BLOG Captain, but not as we know it.

Meet Ashya T’Sai.

Demotivational Poster, Vulcan HumorAs most of my regular readers can tell you, I am a widower.  My wife, Mrs. Vulcan Stev passed this past spring after a battle with breast cancer and then liver cancer.  Rather then rehash what I’ve already written just click here.

One week after I wrote the I’m not fishing post, I broached the subject with my pastor and my church.  I wanted them aware of the fact that I was not looking at leaving the church but rather looking to go to a place where single women my age attended.  I wasn’t about ready to start dating someone I didn’t know.  So in order to get to know the women when I was ready to start dating, I had to go to where they were.

The members of the church all agreed this was a reasonable thing for me to do (though there was gnashing of teeth over “It’s too soon to be dating”).

Two days after I asked for prayer that God would illuminate my path towards “Single, Ready-to-Date”, I got an e-mail from an acquaintance from High School.  She was now a single mother and her children had questions about Renaissance Faires and Role Playing Games and how both of those activities can fit into a Christian worldview.

I make no secret about the fact that I am a Christian.  I make no secret that I believe that Role Playing Games are not Satanic in nature and can be enjoyed by Christians.  With those things firmly in mind, I honestly answered her questions to the best of my ability.  I was no more thinking about my recent prayer request than I was thinking about supper two weeks from then.  Here was a friend from High School asking my opinion on a subject that I know pretty well.

One e-mail turned into two.  Two e-mails turned into many.  E-mails gave way to text messages.  Text messages gave way to phone calls (Thank God I have unlimited texting on my phone and we’re both on the same network so we’re not paying for all the additional calling and texting).

I’m not going to bore you with the all the details and some of the details are highly personal, suffice it to say that over the course of these conversations we not only renewed a friendship but we sparked something more than that.  I journeyed to the wonderful land of the Ozark mountains to meet her family this past week.  After meeting her family, asking her parents permission (I know I didn’t have to because we’re both adults but I did anyway) to date their daughter, Ashya T’Sai (vulcan for Lady Love) and I officially began dating.

What? How could you? Isn’t this too soon?

Ashya and I are friends from high school.  She and I share the same faith (not just Christianity but the same subset).  I don’t blog much about this but I work with kids in the church.  My main form of doing this is with a puppet team, Ashya and I were on the same puppet team in high school she still works with the Wednesday evening children’s stuff at her church.

My last request was that the next woman in my life should understand me.  Mrs. Vulcan Stev and I loved each other very much.  We did not share many interests and once the kids were gone from the home we were going to have to reconnect.  I did not want to start dating again at age 43 and have NOTHING in common with the woman I dated.

Ashya, not only gets my sense of humor, she’s as bad as I am with puns.  She not only likes movies but our DVD collections are nearly identical.  The only reason we don’t watch the same TV is because I have dish and she doesn’t.  The only major difference between the two of us is that she likes coffee and I have to get my caffeine cold and carbonated.

I’m not going to question God’s timing.  I asked God where the pond was and he responded with the fish.  It’s like he was telling me that I didn’t have to worry about this because he had everything under control.  I loved Mrs. Vulcan Stev and I always will.  However she is now a treasured part of my past.  Ashya and I are the future.

Just to give all my geeky buddies an idea of her geek cred, her son, PIT #4, (not sure about that nickname yet) was given a whole slew of ducklings.  I suggested that she name one of the ducks Howard.  Not only did she get the reference but she laughed for a minute or two before saying, “That’s perfect.”

Ashya and I are not playing the dating game.  We’re not in this just for fun, she still lives in the Ozarks and I live in North Central Iowa.  We’re in this for the long-haul.  She’ll be showing up in these posts, I just wanted to introduce her to everyone.

September 9, 2010 - Posted by | Demotivational Posters, Fluff/Inspiration, Life near an Iowa Cornfield, Vulcan Stev, Vulcan Stev Family Journey | , , , , ,


  1. Gotta say this is great to hear. Somewhere out there amongst the stars, your wife is smiling I’m sure. We’re made richer by our connections with those we know and love. I hope your future is as rich as your past has been.

    Comment by anarkeith | September 9, 2010

  2. So happy to hear this!
    I am glad to hear the Lord has moved someone into your life.
    I don’t say much, but I have been reading & enjoying your blog for a while now. I especially enjoy the demotivational posters. Thanks for your efforts & I look forward to hearing more. 🙂


    Comment by ccm2361 | September 9, 2010

  3. I have to admit that I think it’s a bit too soon, but then I remember how you mentioned Mrs Vulcan Steve was praying for you not to be alone. And now you have a someone who gets you and that you can talk to, so it’s good. How are the PITs with this new person?

    Comment by cassey | September 10, 2010

  4. @Anarkeith – Thank you.

    @Ccm – Feel free to comment any time.

    @Cassey – Mrs. VS told me a few things in one of our last lucid conversations.

    1, she knew why God had moved us to a place she didn’t think we needed to be. She was convinced that God moved us to where we are at so that I could be close to family when she passed.

    2, she knew I was going to remarry. She was praying that I would know when it was right and not let her slip away through some mis-guided notion of timing. There have been FAR to many confirmations for Ashya and I to be anything but right.

    How the kids are taking it probably merits another post 😎

    Comment by Vulcan Stev | September 10, 2010

  5. Congratulations, Stev! That’s wonderful news.

    Comment by Xose Lucero | September 10, 2010

  6. First time to your website. Read this and was very touched. Sorry for your loss. God Bless you and Ash. The best of luck on this new/old relationship. As God provided the fish, He will also open all the needed doors.

    Comment by Ted | September 11, 2010

  7. Eleven years ago I lost my wife to breast cancer too. I was 39 & had a 9 year-old daughter. I can so relate to your story. I found myself drawn toward co-worker who also attended my congregation after “only” four months.
    Today is our 9th wedding anniversary!
    Many well-meaning friends thought it was “too soon” for me to date. Some just couldn’t accept me/us in a new context & it became necessary for us to change churches. We had to live before the face of our God, not to please others. It was not always an easy road but has been the right path for us to follow.
    I encourage you, don’t follow others expectations. Don’t follow your children. Don’t follow conventional wisdom. Don’t even follow your hearts. Follow God & He will direct your paths.
    I know I wanted to hear from others who had been through similar circumstances. There are others who have been there before you.
    I hope this helps.

    Comment by Bob | September 25, 2010

  8. @Bob – Thanks, there have been far to many confirmations for Ashya and I to think our relationship is anything but his will. I appreciate your insight.

    @Xose – Thanks

    @Ted – Appreciated

    Comment by Vulcan Stev | September 25, 2010

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