Vulcan Stev's Database

It's a BLOG Captain, but not as we know it.

Vulcan Humor

The Complete Book of Terran HumorDo Vulcans have a sense of humor?  Many believe that Vulcans have no emotions and therefore do not understand the concepts of Terran humor.  Vulcans do in fact have emotions, very volatile  emotions.  Most Vulcans keep their emotions in check through meditation.  A select few have successfully purged all emotions and achieved Kolinahr.

The renowned Ambassador, Spock has been quoted on few occasions with a seemingly very dry sense of humor.  Captain James T. Kirk, in his memoirs, recalls a time when Spock actually did crack a joke.  It can be argued that Spock being half human possessed an insight into the human psyche that most Vulcans do not have.  However, there is a new book being published by a Ferengi consortium.  It purports to be a joke book.  Excerpts have been printed below.  I’ll leave it for you to judge whether or not Vulcans have a sense of humor.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
The flightless Terran avian, Gallus domesticus, apparently needed get to the other side of the vehicular pathway

What is gray, has four legs, a trunk, a tail and weighs three pounds?
The answer to this query purports to be the shadow of Loxodonta africana, the African Elephant.  However since a shadow has no mass and is therefore unaffected by gravity, this cannot be the answer to this query.  The logical response would be Mus musculus, the common Terran house mouse is taking a vacation.

What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence?
Unasked is why Loxodonta africana, the African Elephant would want to sit on a fence which clearly would not support its weight.  Regardless of what your chronometer reads, it is time to repair the fence.

Why did the man put the car in the oven?
It is illogical to assume that anyone would have a  food preparation device large enough to park their ground conveyance vehicle inside.  If someone did have such a place built it would obviously be to keep a Ferengi from acquiring your vehicle.

How can you tell if a blonde has been at your computer?
Forensic analysis will be able to determine whether any cellular residue and DNA evidence has been left by a blonde crewmate.

What is black and white and red all over?
Before the widespread advent of the information networks, Terrans used to get their news from a daily printed page.  Early editions of these newspapers were printed using only black ink on uncolored newsprint.  Terrans made a linguistic pun on the word ‘red’.  However with the demise of the printed sheet as a daily form of information, the pun  is no longer valid.  The logical response would a sunburned Equus burchellii, more commonly known as a zebra.

September 3, 2010 - Posted by | Fluff/Inspiration, Star Trek | , , ,


  1. I can totally hear Spock delivering these zingers deadpan.

    It’s an interesting question, whether you can enjoy something without emotion. I suppose enjoyment isn’t an emotion but more of a preference for certain “happiness triggers”. If Vulcans have a sense of humor I could see it being based on logical paradoxes and sophistry. Maybe they prefer slapstick…

    Here’s my favorite Vulcan joke (that I made up):

    A Terran was incarcerated on the prison world of Ceti IX. His crime is inconsequential to this anecdote. He was assigned to a cell along with a Vulcan.

    Observing the Terran’s emotional distress the Vulcan sought to reassure him. The Vulcan approached the forcefield barrier and called out, “193904×1032.”

    The other prisoners made laughing sounds and collapsed in paroxysms of pleasant emotion. The Vulcan called out again, “332957×1021.” The results were similar.

    The Terran’s emotional state became even more agitated. He demanded an explanation.

    “It is elementary,” replied the Vulcan. “Because of the lack of intellectual stimulation provided by our confinement, I have devised an encoding system by which complex syntactic content may be efficiently transmitted in numerical form. A natural language message of arbitrary length, in this case a humorous narrative, is converted into a number by the sequential application of Gödel’s exponential transforms. As you can see, it is a simple matter to reverse the process and obtain the message. In this way I prove myself useful to my fellow prisoners and gain their trust and protection.”

    “So you yell a number of a joke?” queried the Terran?

    “To put it simply,” replied the Vulcan.

    “I’m not so good at math but if it keeps us safe I’ll give it a try,” said the Terran.


    The Terran approached the force barrier and shouted, “203994×1048!”

    Dead silence.

    “Well, I guess some can tell ’em and some can’t, huh?” said the Terran.

    “Negative,” replied the Vulcan. “That exponent encoded the filthiest obscenity offensive to all forms of life in the galaxy. It is logical to expect that we will both be murdered in the sonic showers tomorrow.”

    Comment by Xose Lucero | September 3, 2010

  2. […] Vulcan Humor « Vulcan Stev's Database […]

    Pingback by MagicOfWord – Die Zitate und Sprüche Community » Blog Archive » Humor ~ Was ist das? | September 3, 2010

  3. […] Read a strange post:  Vulcan Humor « Vulcan Stev's Database […]

    Pingback by Humor » Vulcan Humor « Vulcan Stev's Database | September 10, 2010

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: