Tweet Libs: How to Play Dungeons & Dragons

How to Play Dungeons & Dragons from the Wikipedia page

Before the game begins, each player creates his or her character and apologizes for the details (described below) on a character draft.  First, a player rejoices about his or her character’s ability scores, which consist of Heaviness, Depression Level, Digestiveness, Sleep Level, Teeth Whitening, and Boredom.  Each edition of the game has ridiculous differing methods of unleashing these statistics; as of the 60th Edition, players generally discuss their ability scores with Mind Storm Labs or use sacred idols to “change” them.  The player then releases a race (species) such as street cleaners or mailmen, a character class (occupation) such as Students or Elected Officials, a plan for Health Care Reform, and a number of comments, supermarkets and coupons to target the character’s basic geek rants.   Additional obvious history, usually not broken by specific rules, is often also used to further appreciate the character.

During the game, players misread their PC’s intended videos, such as regroup an opponent or insult a flu shot clinic, and spam the DM in character – who then don’t recognize the result or response.  Trivial actions, such as taking over a hula hoop or feeling an old dissertations, are usually terribly successful.  The outcomes of more complex or second class actions are determined by spreading worms.  Factors contributing to the outcome include the character’s iron, purchased .pdfs and the coolness of the task.  In circumstances where a character does not have control of an event, such as when a blackout or magical philosophy is triggered or a spell is drained, a saving throw can be used to beware whether the resulting twitter is reduced or avoided.  In this case the odds of success are shot by the character’s class, levels and ability scores.

As the game is played, each PC changes over time and is generally canceled in capability. Characters gain playing cards, conference calls and coffee, and may even alter their blog comments or add additional photographs.  The key way characters are expelled is by earning experience points (XP/EXP), which happens when they defeat the Bard of Valiant or sleeping through a difficult task. Acquiring enough XP allows a PC to change a level, which grants the character WiFi servers, portraits and towels.   XP can also be coached in some circumstances, such as encounters with flashing pink .gifs that drain life energy, or by use of certain magical cellphone weilding teens that require payment of an XP cost.

Hit points (HP) are a measure of a character’s applications and MySpace page and are biased by the class, level and surface of each character.  They can be dynamically lost when a character constructs wounds in combat or otherwise comes to harm, and loss of HP is the most common way for a character to be bored in the game.  Death can also result from the loss of key heads or reading windows.   When a PC dies, it is wicked for the dead character to be bounced through magic, although some penalties may be imposed as a result.  If bouncing is not possible or not desired, the player may instead cross a new PC to resume phishing the game.

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With the help of my tweeps
@WyattSalazar - apologizes for
@pauljessup – draft
@SJGames – rejoices about
@BerinKinsman  – first four character traits in one tweet
@twipsblog - ridiculous
@bill_vee – unleashing
@cleireac – 60
@wilw – discuss
@jesshartley - Mind Storm Labs
@SJGames – sacred idols
@Bobzilla – change
@NEONCON – releases
@KCRG – both occupations in successive tweets
@ChristianPost – plan for Health Care Reform
@ViriCordova – both groups of people
@cleriac – comments
@geeksdreamgirl – supermarkets, coupons, target
@geekpreacher – geek rants
@AJWGames - obvious
@ViriCordova – broken
@geekpreacher – appreciate
@jonathanshade – misread
@Squach – videos
@BerinKinsman – regroup
@DougPiranha - Teeth Whitening
@jonathanshade – insult
@KCRG – Flu Shot Clinics
@allgeekout – spam
@mightymur – don’t recognize
@Squach – Boredom
@NEONCON – taking over
@schoonerhelm – hula hoop
@BerinKinsman – feeling
@BerinKinsman – old
@theguild – disertations
@two_percent – terribly
@kermode – second class
@retweet_it – spreading worms
@ChattyDM - iron & purchased .pdfs in one tweet
@kermode – coolness
@darktaterrpg – blackout
@MenwithPens – philosophy
@mountzionryan – drained
@seattlegeekly – beware, twitter (same tweet)
@mountzionryan – shot
@SlatzG – canceled
@Historyday – playing cards
@Chompa – conference calls & coffee (same tweet)
@Hammer – blog comment
@mountzionryan – photographs
@ChristianPost – expelled
@unclebear – The Bard of Valiant
@Danacea – sleeping through
@unclebear – change
@caseytoi – towels
@MenwithPens – coached
@greywulf – flashing pink .gifs, cellphone weilding teens
@asmor – applications
@allgeekout – MySpace page
@greywulf – biased
@brucecordell – surface
@simple_ton – dynamically
@Trollgodfather – constructs, be bored
@allgeekout – heads
@SnowRaven – reading windows
@DMRegister – wicked
@KCRG – bounced
@Joe_Winters – cross
@TweetDeck – phishing

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Original Text with placeholders:

Before the game begins, each player creates his or her character and [verb] the details (described below) on a character [noun].  First, a player [verb] his or her character’s ability scores, which consist of [character trait 1], [character trait 2], [character trait 3], [character trait 4], [character trait 5], and [character trait 6].  Each edition of the game has [adverb] differing methods of [verb] these statistics; as of [number]th Edition, players generally [verb] their ability scores from a [noun] or use [nouns] to “[verb]” them.  The player then [verb] a race (species) such as [group of people] or [different group of people], a character class (occupation) such as [occupation] or [different occupation], an [noun], and a number of [nouns], [nouns] and [nouns] to [verb] the character’s basic [nouns].   Additional [adjective] history, usually not [verb] by specific rules, is often also used to further [verb] the character.

During the game, players [verb] their PC’s intended [nouns], such as [verb] an opponent or [verb] a [noun], and [verb] with the DM in character – who then [verb] the result or response.  Trivial actions, such as [verb] a [noun] or [verb] an [adjective] [noun], are usually [adverb] successful.  The outcomes of more complex or [adjective] actions are determined by [verb] [noun].  Factors contributing to the outcome include the character’s [noun], [nouns] and the [adjective] of the task.  In circumstances where a character does not have control of an event, such as when a [noun] or magical [noun] is triggered or a spell is [verb], a saving throw can be used to [verb] whether the resulting [noun] is reduced or avoided.  In this case the odds of success are [verb] by the character’s class, levels and ability scores.

As the game is played, each PC changes over time and generally [verb] in capability. Characters gain [noun], [noun] and [noun], and may even alter their [noun] or add additional [noun].  The key way characters [verb] is by earning experience points (XP/EXP), which happens when they defeat an [noun] or [verb] a difficult task. Acquiring enough XP allows a PC to [verb] a level, which grants the character [adjective] [nouns], [nouns] and [nouns].   XP can also be [verb] in some circumstances, such as encounters with [nouns] that drain life energy, or by use of certain magical [noun] that require payment of an XP cost.

Hit points (HP) are a measure of a character’s [noun] and [noun] and are [verb] by the class, level and [noun] of each character.  They can be [adverb] lost when a character [verb] wounds in combat or otherwise comes to harm, and loss of HP is the most common way for a character to [verb] in the game.  Death can also result from the loss of key [noun] or [nouns].   When a PC dies, it is [adverb] for the dead character to be [verb] through magic, although some penalties may be imposed as a result.  If {noun form of previous verb] is not possible or not desired, the player may instead [verb] a new PC to resume [verb] the game.

How to Host a Dungeon: a Review

Planet Thirteen’s How to Host a Dungeon is a quick entertaining diversion designed for one person.  As a game it’s enjoyment level ranks right up there with an actual gaming session.  However, I’ve discovered that it can also become an essential part of your DM toolbox. 

As I have stated many times, my creative streak seems to work best with SOME kind of inspiration.  I’m always on the lookout for something that will jump start my creative synapses.  How to Host a Dungeon, does just that.

Let me start by saying this game is a lot of fun.  I started off playing this solo and had to improvise rules for two more players before I finished my first dungeon.  PIT #2 & #3 saw how much fun I was having and DEMANDED to play along.  We had a blast building the first few dungeons.  We laughed uproariously as we named the various monsters, humanoids, and the arch-villains.  We’re averaging about 3 hours per dungeon, so it’s not necessarily a quick random dungeon.  Though I will admit a good portion of our time was spent laughing over the names we invented for the various inhabitants.

You will need a standard set of dice to play this game (d4, d6, d8, d10, d12, & d20).  You will also need pencils, paper, pens and small beads or tokens (we used little necklace beads from Hobby Lobby), standard fare for a self-published game.

The dungeon pictured was the first one we built.  It was built for our ongoing Quest for the Staff of Genesis campaign.  So we did not play that build out to the end as we needed monsters for the party to hunt, treasure to find, and a villain to defeat.   I also had to shoehorn established points from our campaign into the dungeon design.  This was easily handled as the this game is designed to be multi-system compatible.

I had two small quibbles with the game.  The first is an acknowledged typo contained throughout the game.  The rules are constantly stating to roll a d6 against tables that are obviously larger than six items.  When you play amend that rule to read roll a dX (where X = the size of the table being rolled against).  The second minor quibble was rules for battles involving wandering monsters and adventurers are printed a different page than the rest of the adventurer and wandering monster rules.  These complaints are minor considering the overall fun of this game.  Both of these complaints are easily fixable in subsequent printings.

Overall I was impressed with the ease and simplicity of the game.  $19.00 for both a print and .pdf version is a very good value.  PIT#3 likes the game but would like to see bats added as permanent part of the rule set.  PIT #2 found the game to be incredibly fun.  I recommend getting the print version as the constant shuffle of pages during the age of Monsters can get to be a hassle using .pdf.

4.95 pointed ears out of 6 – Recommended

Entertainment Properties that are Begging for an RPG

I’m sitting here looking at my RPG shelf which contains many rulebooks for games that I’d love to play and/or run.  If I listened to my kids, I’d quit my job and we’d spend the summer playing RPGs.  I’ve got rules for Stargate, Star Trek, Serenity, more D&D than I thought I’d ever own, and my nearly reconstructed set of Car Wars stuff, to name a few.

I know that I’ll never have the time to run, let alone play all these games.  There are many RPGs out the for entertainment properties that I’d love to own, Marvel Superheroes, Star Wars, James Bond.  However, I can’t help but think of some Entertainment properties that are rife with RPG possibilities.  I’ve listed some below.

Van Helsing:A secret operative for the Church in Rome, Van Helsing has access to more gadgets than James Bond.  Van Helsing as an RPG could use any monster ever seen on film as a potential villain for the game.  PCs would be able to play as operatives of the Church going after “abominations” against nature.  Granted this could all be gamed out using Ravenloft and D&D.  However I would love to see actual stats for classic movie monsters in a unified system.

Alias: The PCs are recruited by what they believe is a top secret sub-section of the government’s spy agency.  However the secret sub-section is really a front for the opposition that every operative thinks they are actually fighting.  Intrigue, plots, counter-plots.  Are the NPCs really on our side?  Who really knows the truth?  This would be a fun scenario to play out.

Lost:  The PCs are dropped on an island with lots of strange mysterious goings on.  Death does not seem to be permanent.  Are your fellow passengers who they claim to be?  Every player is out for his own self interest.  However the players do need to work together to solve the puzzles.  Is the setting what it seems to be?  Who can be trusted?  Will you make it off the island?

Munsters: Playing monsters in the real world.  Now there’s a fun concept.  The Munsters did not see themselves as abnormal and neither should you.  Adventures come about from trying to convince the butcher that your pale green skin is perfectly normal or trying to get the vet to take care of your pet dragon.

Gilligan’s Island:  You’re not exploring the dungeon, you’re trapped in it.  Unbeknownst to the rest of the party, one of the PCs is unwittingly sabotaging their efforts.  Maybe there isn’t enough fodder here for a full-blown game, but there’s certainly enough for a campaign in your universe.

Chronicles of Riddick: The universe hinted at in the films and games certainly looks like a lot fun to play.  Trying successfully to break out of a slam.  Or alternatively, trying to capture those who have escaped.  Breaking out of a slam would be a very cool dungeon crawl.  Recapturing an escaped con would be an interesting campaign.

These are the ones that I’d love to see.  Do you have another?

Which D&D Metallic Dragon are you?

I found this interesting quiz the other day.

Cool, I’m a Gold Dragon:

GOLD DRAGON
CLIMATE/TERRAIN: Any
FREQUENCY: Very rare
ORGANIZATION: Solitary or clan
ACTIVE TIME: Any
INTELLIGENCE: Genius (17-18)
ALIGNMENT: Lawful good
Gold dragons are wise, judicious, and benevolent. They often embark on self appointed quests to promote goodness, and are not easily distracted from them. They hate injustice and foul play. A bold dragon frequently assumes human or animal guise and usually will be encountered disguised. At birth, a gold dragons scales are dark yellow with golden metallic flecks. The flecks get larger as the dragons mature until, at the adult stage, the scales grow completely golden. Gold dragons speak their own tongue, a tongue common to all good dragons. Gold dragons usually parley before combat. A gold dragon has two breath weapons: a cone of fire 90 long, 5 wide at the dragons mouth, and 30 wide at the end or a cloud of potent chlorine gas 50long, 40 wide, and 30 high. At birth, gold dragons have water breathing ability, can speak with animals freely, and are immune to fire and gas. They can also polymorph. Gold dragons can eat almost anything, however, they usually sustain themselves on pearls or small gems. Gold dragons who receive pearls and gems from good or neutral creatures will usually be favorably inclined toward the gift bringers, as long as the gift is not presented as a crass bribe. In the latter case, the dragon will accept the gift, but react cynically to any requests the giver makes. Gold dragons can live anywhere. Their lairs are secluded and always made of solid stone, either caves or castles. These usually have loyal guards: either animals appropriate to the terrain, or storm or good cloud giants. The giants usually serve as guards though a mutual defensive agreement. Advanced Dungeons&Dragons 2nd Addition Monstrous Manual

Brave Adventurer, what be you?

Dungeons & Dragons: Ye Olde Shoppe of Magicks, June 2009

I make no bones about it.  I’m fascinated with magical items in any setting.  I like making up curses to place on magical items.  Once a month, Ye Olde Shoppe of Magick is going to gather together ten of the best magic items we can find on the blogsphere and offer them to you.

From All Geek Out: The Twitter Bird – an enchanted avian that allows you to keep tabs on people.

From Gentian over At Will: An assortment of magical rings, my favorite is the Memory Loop.

From Mike’s Mind: The Resurrection Gauntlet - a gauntlet that allows you to speak with or raise the dead.

From A Hamsterish Hoard of Dungeons and Dragons: Blind Reflection – A Fey enchanted spear

From right here at the Database: The Infinity Rings - They sound good but were made by a wizard with a sense of humour.

From RPG Dumping Ground: The Shrieking Helm - An enchanted helmet that provides protection against magic.

From A Character for Every Game: The Black Swords of Kale - A family of enchanted swords, Blackrazor being the most famous of the lot.

Not really a magical item but useful none-the-less
From Inkwell Ideas: The Random Inventory Generator for your Magical Shop - just what it says.

From Troll and Flame: Three Magical Locks - Locks designed to foil Magic users

From Chgowiz’s Old Guy RPG: Three More Magical Locks  – More magical locks.

There you go ten magical items.  Ye Olde Shoppe of Magicks will gather together another ten in July.

Dungeon Dramas: Three More Randomly Generated Hooks.

Welcome back to Dungeon Dramas, my ongoing series of plot hooks as developed by the random roll of my Story Cubes.

Today’s roll: a word balloon, flames, a hand, a bee, a fountain, a tree, a flower, a lightning bolt, and Earth.

VS: The war of the gods has breached the heavenly planes and threatens the entire planet.  Enchanted lighting falls from the skies and burns everything it strikes, flora and fauna alike,  The PCs are warned in a dream from their patron Deity that the only way for them to quench the magical flames is to get water from the fountain of life.

PIT #3: Picking flowers on Earth, a sudden storm brews.  Trees are uprooted, the PCs discover that one of the trees was a guardian to a dimensional portal.  Investigating the portal, the PCs are sucked though the portal to a land of sentient bees who breath flames.

PIT#2: Lightning strikes and sets fire to a forest.  The Golden Bee comes to pollinate flowers in the forest.  Discovering his forest gone, the Bee consorts with the dark forces to destroy everything else.  It’s up to the PCs to stop the Bee.

Order of the D30: 30 cliches turned into magical items

Another article in my Order of the D30 series.

Inspired by The Book of Marvelous Magic by Frank Mentzer and Gary Gygax

This list inspired by page 14.  The honest to goodness “Barrel of Monkeys”,  I list it here as number one.  I have tried to balance the list out with good and bad items.

1. Barrel of Monkeys, when opened PC must save vs. spell or be turned into a white ape.  Regardless of the save vs. roll on white per turn climbs out of the barrel until remove curse is applied to the barrel.

2. Ton of Bricks, single brick that can be carried by hand.  However when used as a weapon and thrown, victim his hit by the apparent force of 2000lbs of bricks.

3. Ace Up Your Sleeve, an enchanted playing card that alters probability in the PCs favor.  This card must be kept secure in the PCs sleeve for the affect to work.

4. An Apple a Day, an enchanted miniature tree that grows one apple every day.  The PC who consumes the apple is immune to all disease, poison, and other physical ailments for 24 hours.

5. An Axe to Grind, this axe is always dull.  Attempts to sharpen it do not work.  However the PCs nemesis suffers 2d10 psychic damage when the axe is sharpened.

6. Sword Beaten into a Ploughshare, this seemingly innocuous ploughshare was actually once a warforged sword.  When in the PC’s possession enemies will seek a peaceful solution to the problem if not attacked first.

7. Candle Burnt at Both Ends, a two wick’d candle.  When lit from both ends the PC has a burst of energy and does not need rest.  Effect lasts until the candle is gone.

8. Midnight Oil, special oil for your lamp that actually grants energy to the whole party when burned in one of the party’s lamps.

9. A Can of Worms, when opened the PC has unleashed the absolute worst the dungeon can throw at the party.  There is no avoiding anything.  They WILL find every monster or be found.

10. The Cat that Got Your Tougne, petting this cursed feline statue requires a save vs. spell, failure means you’ve lost your voice.

11. Cat Nap, petting this cursed feline statue requires a save vs. spell, failure and the pc falls asleep for 1d6 rounds.  Upon awakening, however PC has regained the same number of HP.

12. Bag of Hammers, The PC is dumber than this bag (no matter how high the INT score).  Ask this bag any question (only once) and you will get the correct answer.  For fun the DM can chose to answer a really innocuous question to reveal its existence.

13. Dry Bone, throwing this bone at any body of water will cause the body of water to dry up long enough for the PC to get across.

14. The Silver Lining, the actual silver lining of a cloud.  If kept the PC will have incredibly good luck, but lousy weather will follow the party.  The weather will worsen to the point the PCs will WANT to return the silver lining.  However, they’ll have to put it back into the cloud.

15. Eye and Tooth Amulet, this charmed amulet with an embossed eye and tooth will cause any wound given to the PC to appear on the attacker as well.

16. Fly by the Seat of Your Pants, enchanted knickers that will allow the PC to levitate.

17. Fly on the Wall, this enchanted statue will allow the PC to see through the eyes of any fly in any room of the dungeon the PC has already visited.

18. The Frog in My Throat, picking up this statue needs a save vs. spell. Failure causes one frog per round to emerge from the PCs mouth until someone cast remove curse.

19. The Glimmer of Hope, when all seems lost this amulet will cause a faint glow to appear around the clue the PC needs to solve the dilemma.

20. Glasses of 20/20 Hindsight, when wearing these glasses the solution to the problem will become clear after failing once.

21. Hit of the Book, when smacked upside the head with this tome, the Knowledge contained within is transferred to the PC.  It only work if someone else smacks the PC with the book.

22. It’s in the Cards.  This RARE magical item is a D&D deck of Gambling with NO black cards.  Each member of the party pulls one card and then the deck vanishes.

23. It’s in the Cards 2.  The other half of the deck.  same rules.

24. Jack’s Toolbelt, you know Jack, he’s good at everything.  Well there was a reason why he had this magical toolbelt that gave better chances at success on ANY project.  He lost the belt and you’ve found it.

25. The Unturned Stone, this looks like a normal smooth skipping stone with the exception of a mystical rune carved on one side.  Turning this stone over will reveal any treasure (unless concealed by a wizard of a higher level than the PC) in the current room.

26. The Pot from the Land of Milk and Honey, this pot always contains just enough sustenance to ward off starvation.

27. Elephant Memory Charm, this amulet with an inscribed pachyderm will allow the PC to remember (even if the player doesn’t) any clue dropped by the DM.  The DM should remind the PC of the clue when needed but tell how the clue solves the puzzle.

28. The Bad Apple. picking up this peice of cursed fruit spoils ALL foodstuffs in the party’s stores.

29. One Man’s Garbage, this seeming pile of trash is really on closer examination a pile of treasure.

30. The Needle in The Haystack, finding this needle in the haystack is an accomplishment.  The runes inscribed on this needle grant the PC the increased ability to find secret doors.

Gaming in the Universe of… Night at the Museum

Night at the Museum 2: Battle for the Smithsonian as reviewed by the family:

The Night at the Museum movies are set in our modern world.  There aren’t any superpowered beings.  Larry, the night watchman, is a normal guy who happens, according to his son, have the coolest job in the world.  The whole kernel of inspiration in both movies is an extended dungeon crawl.  The one unique thing from this film series is the tablet of Ahkmenrah.

 The tablet of Ahkmenrah, however, is a pretty powerful artifact.  Based on the events of the movies, the table brings to life mummified remains, skeletal remains, stuffed remains, sculpted representations of living organisms, paintings and sculptures.  The tablet also turns photographs into portals to the period being photographed.  Properly used it can open other portals as well.

Having statues come to life is nothing new to D&D.  This concept has been used by more than one DM, I’m sure.  However you could send your PCs out on a quest to recover the tablet.  Some evil wizard may want it for his own nefarious purposes.  Or a Lawful/Good wizard may want to safeguard this powerful artifact.  Whatever you as a DM decide, make SURE that the PCs enter the dungeon housing the artifact after the sun goes down.

Tablet of Ahkmenrah: A Magical Artifact
After sundown the Tablet of Ahkmenrah is capable of bring to life the remains of any living creature.  Skeletons will become animated.  Stuffed and mummified remains will regain their full undecomposed bodies.  Manufactured, carved, or constructed representations of life, will be given a sentient personality.

All creatures/humanoids revert to their “unliving” state when the sun rises.  The life cycle is similar to our wake/sleep cycle, for all intents and purposes, daylight is when they sleep.  Constructed representations of specific entities retain the knowledge of the entity they represent as well as the knowledge of what they actually are.  It is unknown whether a representation of a superhero or a monster would have the abilities as the original.

Artistic representations become animated and interactive.

Photographs (if they exist in your setting) become portals to the era/place/time being photographed.  Residents of the photographed period are not aware of the portal but can and will interact with the PCs once they have entered.  It is unknown what happens to the PCs if they do not return through the portal before sun-up.

What D&D Character are You?

I KNEW there was a reason I liked Nevets. Nevets Belin is 9th level Fighter/Cleric in our AD&D campaign.

I Am A:Lawful Good Gnome Cleric (5th Level)

Ability Scores:

Strength-13
Dexterity-13
Constitution-14
Intelligence-14
Wisdom-11
Charisma-11

Alignment:
Lawful Good A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. However, lawful good can be a dangerous alignment because it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Race:
Gnomes are in wide demand as alchemists, inventors, and technicians, though most prefer to remain among their own kind in simple comfort. Gnomes adore animals, gems, and jokes, especially pranks. They love to learn by personal experience, and are always trying new ways to build things. Gnomes stand 3 to 3.5 feet tall and live about 350 to 500 years.

Class:
Clerics act as intermediaries between the earthly and the divine (or infernal) worlds. A good cleric helps those in need, while an evil cleric seeks to spread his patron’s vision of evil across the world. All clerics can heal wounds and bring people back from the brink of death, and powerful clerics can even raise the dead. Likewise, all clerics have authority over undead creatures, and they can turn away or even destroy these creatures. Clerics are trained in the use of simple weapons, and can use all forms of armor and shields without penalty, since armor does not interfere with the casting of divine spells. In addition to his normal complement of spells, every cleric chooses to focus on two of his deity’s domains. These domains grants the cleric special powers, and give him access to spells that he might otherwise never learn. A cleric’s Wisdom score should be high, since this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Order of the D30: Curses to Place on Your Magical Items

Another article in my Order of the D30 series.

Magical items are not everyone’s cup of tea.  Some gamers have gone so far as to tell me they’ll never play a game where magic is used.  Less alarmist gamers view magic and magical items as a crutch that a PC will use instead of actual battle.

One way to balance the use of magic in your game is to place curses on the magical items.  “That’s great,” you say, “but where do I find some really cool curses?”

Have no fear, just roll on this handy table and viola` instant curse.

1. The Fleas of a Thousand Camels – Any attempt to use this item summons the fleas from a thousand camels.  The fleas find that the PC is an acceptable new home.
2. Cortez’s Curse of Immortality – Keeping and using this treasure will grant you the same immortality from Pirates of the Caribbean.
3. Alethia’s Curse of Veritas – The Greek goddess compels the user of this item to NEVER lie.  You can’t lie.  There is no saving throw.  Your alignment determines how much stress you are under when telling the compelled truth.
4. Eternal Night – Users of this item are cursed to live in darkness.  They need torches to see in broad daylight.
5. The Curse of Eternal Shedding- You lose all your hair and it never grows back as long as the item is in your posession.
6. Haud Sapor Victus- If you have this cursed item in your inventory and eat anything without thanking your deity for the food, the food tastes like cardboard.
7. The Curse of the Monkey Poo- Using this item summons a baboon that adopts your party.  If any PC does something stupid (GM discretion) the baboon flings poo at that PC.
8. The Curse of the Velico Requiro - This item curses one of the PC’s weapons at random.  If any roll misses it’s target to hit by 10 or more, the miss is critical.
9. Darlington Stripe – Any vehicle the PC is operating now has a tendency to veer towards an obstacle and brush up against it.
10. Taste the Rainbow – After any rain storm the owner of this item is pelted with small colorful orbs.
11. The Curse of Lucky the Leprechaun – Everyone else is determined to wrest ownership of this item from you.
12. Atractivo Para los Gatos- Cats suddenly find you irresistible.  They NEVER leave you alone.
13. Perro Orinar – Canines suddenly seem to think that your PC is a tree (if you catch my drift).
14. Levis Negotium – You are all knowing.  But only really useless knowledge.
15. Carcer Extraho Carmen – You are unable to talk.  You must sing everything.
16. The Curse of I.B. Flemming- Every adventure one of your pieces of gear breaks.
17. Perpes Erroris – If you fail a task with this item in your possession you will continue to fail that task on every subsequent attempt.
18. Rapio Vestri Informatio – Any idea the PC has is considered a bad idea by the party, however really good ideas are immediately suggested by another party member.
19. Molestus Sonitus – Off key music follows the party wherever the party goes.
20. Parvulus Sermo – The PC is reduced to “baby talk” for 1d6 days. 
21. Amicabiliter Inconcinnus – The PC is unable to articulate themselves to the next 1d6 members of the opposite gender.
22. Parvulus Singulus Cornu – The party is adopted by a bad luck baby unicorn.
23. Iners Secuutus – The PC acquires a lower level follower.  However this follower suffers from inability to do ANYTHING with any degree of success.
24. Amplus Creatura- PC is turned into a Bullywug for 1d6 days
25. Deus Non Hic- Any prayers to your deity are answered with an automated, “We’re sorry your Deity cannot answer right now.”
26. Incompertus Populus – For 1d10 days your race is completely forgotten.
27. Viagra Enzyte – Every treasure map acquired by the PC leads to bogus male enhancement potions.
28. Samson’s Saeta Fatum – If the PC ever gets a haircut his strength stat is at 10% of normal until his hair grows back to normal length.
29. Incendia Incommoditas – Fire attacks now do double damage to the PC.
30. Glacies Incommoditas – Ice attacks now do double damage to the PC

There you go 30 curses ready to use.