Vulcan Stev's Database

It's a BLOG Captain, but not as we know it.

I’m not fishing yet.

Chilly WillyRegular readers of this blog are aware of the fact that two months ago my wife passed after an extended battle with breast cancer.  I’ve been coping with the aftermath of her passing (paying off her debts, hospital bills, incurred expenses, etc.).  While I’ve been doing this, I’ve also been back at work during one of the busiest points of the year.

Because I’m back at work I’m left with one day during the work week to get the 9-5 M-F stuff done.  Yes my boss would gladly give me some extra time to accomplish these things, but I’m the ad man for a small town Iowa paper.  I have deadlines to meet and if I don’t get my job done the paper has no advertising.

In the past two months, I have been coming to grips with the fact that  my wife is not coming back home.  She has been healed of pain and has finished her fight.  As much as I’d like to pretend she’s away at a conference and will be coming back, she’s not going to walk through the door.

It’s tough.  I don’t have anyone to snuggle up against at night.  I don’t have anyone to sit listen to how good or bad my day at work was.  Yes I’ve still got my boys at home, however there’s a very large difference between one’s partner and one’s offspring.

I’m only 43.  I have to realize that PIT #2 is closer to leaving home than I care to admit.  PIT #3 will be home for a while longer but eventually (despite his protests to the contrary) he’ll go off to college, find a girl, and settle down somewhere (hopefully) other than Daddy’s house.  Even if both of my boys decide to attend local college and live at home during that time, they’ll still be gone before I’m 60.  I’m not spending the rest of my life alone.

This brings me to the title of this post.  I took stock of the number of (known) single women in my life.  Including my writing partner and baby sister, I came up with five.  As I said, one of those is my sister, that leaves four.  My writing partner lives in California and has made it clear she’s not leaving the state of the Governator, down to three.  One of these is a co-worker and good friend.  Aside from the fact that she has a boyfriend moving to Iowa later this year, we are neither’s particular cup-of-tea. Two.

The other two are nice enough but after talking with both of them and going on a few dates, it’s quite clear that there is no future for me and either of them.  One of them keeps bringing up a past boyfriend in EVERY conversation and makes it quite clear that he holds the strings to her heart.  The other expressed an interest in pursuing a relationship but since that pronouncement, she has hooked up with not one, but two different guys.  OK, I’m not stupid.  I don’t need to have it spelled out for me.  That leaves me at zero.

Now, I have a lot of meatspace acquaintances.  They are all either married, children, or well past retirement age.  In my social circle, aside from the previously mentioned women, there are no adult single females in my life.  Four months ago that wasn’t a problem.  It’s still not a problem but left untouched it will be.

I’m looking for some specific traits that the next Mrs. Nibbelink should have.  She should share my faith.  She should like children as my puppet team and volunteer work deal primarily with children.  She should also understand my geek factor.  I’m not saying she has to like the same movies, TV shows, gaming choices, or even like going to Renaissance Faires (those would be a nice bonus but the first two are the deal breakers).

So where do I go to find said person?  The local bar? no not if the first two are my primary conditions?  A singles club? possibly but there aren’t any locally and I still have my boys to look after.  A church that shares my faith? well yes that’d be the first place to start looking.

Therein lies my problem.  My current church has NO singles group.  So I need to find a church that has what I’m looking for.  I’ve been asking around, checking out local church websites and basically shopping for another church to attend.

Oh my.  You’d think I announced the apocalypse.  This is causing more furor than my looking into getting a tatoo.  I’m getting lambasted from all sides for everything from disrespecting my wife’s memory to leaving a church home for no good reason to being in mourning long enough.  *sigh*

To put it into the metaphor.  Just because I’m trying to find the pond where the fish are does not mean I’m planning the fish fry for this weekend.  I’m not ready to go window shopping yet, I just want to know where the mall is located.  I’m not ready to start dating, but when I am I need to know where to go looking for single females that meet at least the first two conditions.

Gals, I’m not yet ready for any sort of a serious relationship as I’m still grieving my departed wife.  I am lonely and I am looking to meet some new people.

Thanks for listening.

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July 25, 2010 - Posted by | Life near an Iowa Cornfield, Memories of Virginia, Mrs. Vulcan Stev's Fight, Vulcan Stev, Vulcan Stev Family Journey | , ,

7 Comments »

  1. Have you thought about using the internet? Not to be snarky here, but online dating sites have come a long way. There are some Christian-specific ones. There are also some geek/gamer ones. Check out @geeksdreamgirl on Twitter. She actually runs an online dating site for geeks, and offers packages to help you write your profile and handle the system. I don’t have her URL handy, but you should be able to get it from that Twitter handle pretty easily.

    Comment by Lugh | July 25, 2010

  2. Ignore the silly people, they’re clearly not getting that you just want someone to chat to.

    Comment by cassey | July 26, 2010

  3. @Lugh – Geeks Dream Girl is someone who I will be looking up when I’m ready to start dating again, but thanks for thinking about it. Internet dating is a possibility, but again I’m not looking to start dating right yet. Currently, I’m just trying to expand my social circle.

    @Casey – Bingo!

    Comment by Vulcan Stev | July 26, 2010

  4. Sorry to hear about your wife – best to you.

    Comment by Dan | July 30, 2010

  5. Hang in there brother!
    The Lord will steer the right person into your path when the time is right.

    Comment by ccm2361 | August 7, 2010

  6. I’m sorry for your loss.

    Pull on the thread of generosity, and see where it leads you. Giving of yourself now, will help you heal, and help you meet new people.

    When you’re ready to settle down, I’ve heard good things about matchmaking sites like eHarmony. Geek guys have a harder time meeting women, and fishing in the right pond (women who like geeks) is important.

    Comment by Evelyn | August 8, 2010

  7. […] week after I wrote the I’m not fishing post, I broached the subject with my pastor and my church.  I wanted them aware of the fact that I […]

    Pingback by Meet Ashya T’Sai. « Vulcan Stev's Database | September 9, 2010


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