Tweet Libs: Romeo and Juliet (from Facebook)

ACT I
A bold new experiment in Tweet Libs the words were pulled in order going down my Facebook wall on Saturday Feb 27, 2010

PROLOGUE
Two farms, both alike in being thoughtful,
In fair Verona, where we are getting ready our scene,
From ancient lovers break to new mystical gifts,
Where civil credit scores makes civil hands dominate.
From forth the fatal seahorses of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d crew chiefs take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous tangled
Do with their RPG books bury their parents’ strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d confusion,
And the continuance of their chicken feeder’s rage,
Which, but their children’s end, nought could collapse,
Is now the two hours’ traffic of our iPod;
The which if you with unlimited ears attend,
What here shall miss, our Nabisco cookies shall strive to mend.

In Verona, Sampson and Gregory (Capulet servants) farkled that they will not put up with level three knights from the Montague family.  Abram and Balthasar (Montague servants) appear and the four go sledding. Benvolio (Lord Montague’s nephew) appears and tries to break up the SyFy channel, but Tybalt (Lady Capulet’s nephew) appears and picks an unlocked 32×32 expansion with Benvolio. At length, music ministers try to break up the fish tank, even while Lord Capulet and Lord Montague begin to fertilize one another. The Prince of Verona (Escalus) appears and stops the fertilizing, proclaiming sentences of chicken coops to any that renew the fertilizing. At Montague’s mystery egg, he, his wife, and Benvolio discuss how Just Romeo (Montague’s only son) has been lately. Benvolio vows to find out why. Speaking with Romeo, Benvolio finds Romeo is enchanted with a woman who has sworn to stay perfect (Rosaline). Benvolio suggests pursuing other steampunk engines, but Romeo refuses. Separately, Paris (a kinsman of the Prince of Verona) talks to Lord Capulet about collapsing his daughter Juliet for rackosaurus ribs. Capulet responds that she is too original and must wait 48 years to smoke, and then only to the chef whom she chooses. Still, Capulet invites Paris to a comic auction in the evening. Capulet’s detective is sent to invite geeks, but he can’t build the list so he entreats Romeo to do so. Upon hearing of the party, Benvolio convinces Romeo to put songs on his iPod and compare his purple love Rosaline to more novice women to get his mind off Rosaline. At Capulet’s house, Lady Capulet speaks to Juliet about her feelings for Dominating Paris while Juliet’s baby calf listens on, telling stories of Juliet’s gold dust heart. Juliet, although hesitant, promises to be lonely. Masked, Romeo, Mercutio, and Benvolio head to the Capulet party. Romeo is still fresh, saying he cooked a fearful dream of an untimely mobile upload that will result because of the evening’s events, but Benvolio just makes fun of him. At Capulet’s house, the Montagues prepare power point for the party (in masks), Romeo shares a zoo bonus with Juliet, and he falls in love with her. Tybalt sees Romeo and takes up arms, but Lord Capulet attempts to calm him, though Tybalt vows to try Netflix for Romeo’s intrusion the next day. Juliet, too, falls for Romeo, but falls into a fishtank when her Nurse informs her Romeo is a Montague, as does Romeo when he learns Juliet is a Capulet.

While leaving the party, Romeo hides in the cafe while Mercutio and Benvolio call for him to come out of hiding and go home with them; yet he will not. After they leave, Romeo appears and speaks to Juliet under her fertilized crops, saying “But soft! What mafia war through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the record braeking Batman comic!” By and by they auction their love to one another. Juliet tells Romeo she’ll send a duck to him the next day to learn the details of their teen dance. Having tagged photos all night, Romeo visits Friar Lawrence’s BlackBerry and tells him of this new love for Juliet. Although Lawrence is happy at first, Romeo eventually convinces him to reconnect them. In the street, Benvolio tells Mercutio that Romeo did not come home that night, and that Tybalt has sent the Montagues a letter challenging Romeo to a wizzard duel. Romeo appears and they tease him for posting photos from them. Juliet’s tractor and servant Peter appear and Romeo tells her to tell Juliet to go to the Friar’s cell that afternoon to be demonstrated. The Nurse returns to Juliet and, though she skirts around the RPG game, she finally tells Juliet the lovely news. Soon, at the Friar’s cell, he becomes a fan of Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo plans to visit Juliet’s racetrack that evening.

Original text with placeholders:
ACT I
PROLOGUE
Two [noun], both alike in [adjective],
In fair Verona, where we [verb] our scene,
From ancient [noun] break to new [noun],
Where civil [noun] makes civil hands [adjective].
From forth the fatal [nouns] of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d [people] take their life;
Whole misadventured piteous [verb]
Do with their [noun] bury their parents’ strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d [emotion],
And the continuance of their [people]‘s rage,
Which, but their children’s end, nought could [verb],
Is now the two hours’ traffic of our [noun];
The which if you with [adjective] ears attend,
What here shall miss, our [noun] shall strive to mend.

In Verona, Sampson and Gregory (Capulet servants) [verb] that they will not put up with [nouns] from the Montague family. Abram and Balthasar (Montague servants) appear and the four start [verb]. Benvolio (Lord Montague’s nephew) appears and tries to break up the [noun], but Tybalt (Lady Capulet’s nephew) appears and picks a [noun] with Benvolio. At length, [people] try to break up the [noun], even while Lord Capulet and Lord Montague begin to [verb] one another. The Prince of Verona (Escalus) appears and stops the [gerund of previous verb], proclaiming sentences of [noun] to any that renew the [same gerund]. At Montague’s [noun], he, his wife, and Benvolio discuss how [adverb] Romeo (Montague’s only son) has been lately. Benvolio vows to find out why. Speaking with Romeo, Benvolio finds Romeo is in [emotion] with a woman who has sworn to stay [state of being] (Rosaline). Benvolio suggests pursuing other [noun], but Romeo refuses. Separately, Paris (a kinsman of the Prince of Verona) talks to Lord Capulet about [verb] his daughter Juliet for [noun]. Capulet responds that she is too [adjective] and must wait [number] years to [verb], and then only to the [noun] whom she chooses. Still, Capulet invites Paris to a [social gathering] in the evening. Capulet’s [occupation] is sent to invite [people], but he can’t [verb] the list so he entreats Romeo to do so. Upon hearing of the party, Benvolio convinces Romeo to [verb] and compare his [adjective] love Rosaline to more [adjective] women to get his mind off Rosaline. At Capulet’s house, Lady Capulet speaks to Juliet about her feelings for [verb] Paris while Juliet’s [noun] listens on, telling stories of Juliet’s [noun]. Juliet, although hesitant, promises to be [adverb]. Masked, Romeo, Mercutio, and Benvolio head to the Capulet party. Romeo is still [adverb], saying he [verb past] a fearful dream of an untimely [noun] that will result because of the evening’s events, but Benvolio just makes fun of him. At Capulet’s house, the Montagues [verb] the party (in masks), Romeo [verb] Juliet, and he falls in love with her. Tybalt sees Romeo and takes up arms, but Lord Capulet attempts to calm him, though Tybalt vows to [verb] Romeo’s intrusion the next day. Juliet, too, falls for Romeo, but falls into [adverb] when her Nurse informs her Romeo is a Montague, as does Romeo when he learns Juliet is a Capulet.

While leaving the party, Romeo hides in the [noun] while Mercutio and Benvolio call for him to come out of hiding and go home with them; yet he will not. After they leave, Romeo appears and speaks to Juliet under her [noun], saying “But soft! What [noun] through yonder window breaks? It is the East, and Juliet is the [noun]!” By and by they [verb] their love to one another. Juliet tells Romeo she’ll send a [noun] to him the next day to learn the details of their [noun]. Having [verb] all night, Romeo visits Friar Lawrence’s [noun] and tells him of this new love for Juliet. Although Lawrence is [adverb] at first, Romeo eventually convinces him to [verb] them. In the street, Benvolio tells Mercutio that Romeo did not come home that night, and that Tybalt has sent the Montagues a letter challenging Romeo to a [noun]. Romeo appears and they tease him for [verb] from them. Juliet’s [noun] and servant Peter appear and Romeo tells her to tell Juliet to go to the Friar’s cell that afternoon to be [verb past]. The Nurse returns to Juliet and, though she skirts around the [noun], she finally tells Juliet the [adjective] news. Soon, at the Friar’s cell, he [verb] Romeo and Juliet, and Romeo plans to visit Juliet’s [noun] that evening.

What I’ve learned from my in-box

I want to thank everyone for the educational e-mails over the past year. I am now totally prepared to face the 21st century.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, I ask the waitress to not put lemon slices in my ice water.  Thus I no longer have to worry about strange bacteria on the lemon peel or doorknob.

I don’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

I no longer sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..

Shaking hands with someone who has been driving is also on my list of banned activities because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking one’s nose.

I don’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I now I use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing because we know about the rat poop in the glue on envelopes and I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that won’t be a problem once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program and then cash that check for $1.5 million that’s coming from that widow in Uganda.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.

I won’t accept drinks in a bar from a strange woman because I’ll wake up in a bathtub full of ice with my kidneys gone.

I don’t eat at KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I now know that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I always take someone along to watch the car while I’m buying gas so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.  I don’t use Procter and Gamble products for the same reason.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

I won’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… Disfiguring me for life.
 
I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents in disguise.. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I am going into business to sell knock-off cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe

I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

I no longer pick up change dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting to grab me as I bend over..

I no longer drive my car because buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the Violin Spider (Loxosceles reclusaand -aka Brown Recluse) my hand will fall off.

If you took this blog seriously you need to copy and paste and send it as an e-mail.  If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician …

Vulcan Stev Family Movie Review: Sherlock Holmes

Sherlock Holmes

Warner Bros. – 128 mins – PG-13

Starring:
 Robert Downey Jr. …  Sherlock Holmes
 Jude Law …  Dr. John Watson
 Rachel McAdams …  Irene Adler
 Mark Strong …  Lord Blackwood
 Eddie Marsan …  Inspector Lestrade
 Robert Maillet …  Dredger
 Geraldine James …  Mrs. Hudson
 Kelly Reilly …  Mary Morstan
 William Houston …  Constable Clark
 Hans Matheson …  Lord Coward
 James Fox …  Sir Thomas
 William Hope …  Ambassador Standish
 Clive Russell …  Captain Tanner
 Oran Gurel …  Reordan
 David Garrick …  McMurdo

Synopsis from IMDb:  After finally catching serial killer and occult “sorcerer” Lord Blackwood, legendary sleuth Sherlock Holmes and his assistant Dr. Watson can close yet another successful case. But when Blackwood mysteriously returns from the grave and resumes his killing spree, Holmes must take up the hunt once again. Contending with his partner’s new fiancée and the dimwitted head of Scotland Yard, the dauntless detective must unravel the clues that will lead him into a twisted web of murder, deceit, and black magic – and the deadly embrace of temptress Irene Adler.

VS: 1.9 pointed ears
I am not a Sherlock Holmes fan.  I ’ve read maybe one of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s novels.  I am familiar enough with the character that I know the basics.  From what I remember of the Holmes canon, this movie is a faithful interpretation of the character right down to Holmes’ use of cocaine (inferred in a scene but not mentioned on screen and my reason for a point 1 reduction).  That said I was sufficiently intrigued by the trailers to put this movie on my “See it if it comes to Grundy” list (Grundy being our local dollar theater).  I was not disappointed.  I enjoyed this film from start to finish.  The violence is not gratuitous and is used to depict Holmes’ analytical mind in more than one scene.  19th century London looked appropriately gritty and smog infested.  Given the state of special effects that shouldn’t surprise me but it did look nice.  I was also pleasantly surprised to find that Mrs VS enjoyed the movie (but I’ll let her tell why in her section).

Robert Downey Jr. played Holmes to the nines.  Never did I see a hint of Tony Stark, too often when I go to see a film I can be distracted by seeing too much of an actor’s previous performance.  Downey gave life to a character who could well be an ancestor of Tony Stark without calling on the previous character. 

I also failed to see the supposed “gay subtext” in this movie.  I suspect that blog rumors and pronouncements of the former  are from people who are over analyzing everything.   This movie goes in the DVD collection when it is released.

Mrs. VS: 1.5 pointed ears
This was a fairly decent movie.  The scenery was appropriate to the era being depicted.  It is not a good-looking movie, but then 19th century London was not a beautiful place.  I happen to like murder mysteries (ed note I didn’t know that) and this movie was rousing good mystery.  The man bursting into flames was a little gratuitous but understandable given the aspirations of the villain.

Pvt. B.
rating coming

PIT #2: 2 pointed ears
This movie is the best movie of 2010 (OK it’s only February but it’s STILL a good movie).  This movie took everything that I knew about Sherlock Holmes and put it up on the screen.   You can be a complete Sherlock noob and still enjoy this movie.

PIT #3: 2 pointed ears
This movie rocked.  I didn’t see a single kissing scene.  Although there were no car chases, I understand that is because the automobile had not been invented in Holmes’ time (though we did get to see a large ship sink).

Overall 7.4 out of 8 ears

Families be warned the PG-13 rating is earned for depictions of (legal) drug use, depictions of cultic rituals and minor language.

Definitely a must-see if you get the chance.

Life near an Iowa Cornfield 2-16-10 (Random Thoughts and Updates)

Short version: Modem troubles continue.  (I know it’s not technically a modem but it’s still giving me fits) Long version: It’s hard to keep updates coming when the router goes down after two hours.  It’s also hard to write updates when one is addicted to Farmville on Facebook

According to the INA (Iowa Newspaper Association) I am the 2nd best Ad Designer out of 22 in the entire state of Iowa for my class of my paper.  Considering that I wasn’t expecting an award in that category at all, I’ll take it.  One of my ads placed first and if I had access to it at home (maybe I can upload during lunch tomorrow…), I’d show you.

I’m still planning on uploading my Stev stories to this blog.  I am not done with the character at all, in fact my writing partner has approved the move.  We both felt very constrained by the writing club we were working with.  It all came down to “This is MY club and MY rules.  If you don’t like it leave.”  So I left.

I have found a Trek club I belonged to a while back.  They have welcomed me back with open arms.  The Klingon Strike Force is a good club and their website is topnotch.  Look for Chris DeHart if you stop by.

One Way Express is booked for this summer’s Central Iowa Fair.  After our fill-in job last year, the talent committee sought us out.  Goober is looking forward to bringing his unique sense of humor back to Marshalltown.

We’re still playing D&D at the Core (4th ed.) on alternating Saturdays.  As much as I enjoy 4e I cannot call it RP, it is definitely hack and slash.  I won’t reopen the dead debate on the game.  It is what it is.

 However, our gaming group has taken up TSR’s Top Secret.  I’m enjoying the game.  My character is an uber-hacker.  I’d tell you his name but he gives it out to no one.  The other players refer to him as “Techie”

There haven’t been many movie reviews posted here a the family has seriously cut back on the number of DVDs we buy and the number of movies we see in the theater (yes even though we have a dollar theater in town).  Though we did go see Sherlock Holmes and that review is in first draft.

Pvt Black Spartan graduates April 1.  I told her that is not a good omen.  She asked why.  I told her that going into Army Intel on April Fool’s Day didn’t seem like a good idea to me.

We’ve still got more snow on the ground than I care to admit.  According to Mr. Groundhog we’ve still got four weeks of winter… I want to know where Mr. Groundhog studied meteorology.